


The Ghost of You

by nst4612



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 21:15:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17373452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nst4612/pseuds/nst4612
Summary: Based on MCR’s Ghost of You. Remus after Sirius. A story of grief, sorrow, and moving on.





	The Ghost of You

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the music. Also yes I know the lyrics are out of order. Very dark. MEtnions of suicidal thoughts. There is a moderately happy ending though.

Remus moped his way through his flat wondering how this had happened. How had the greatest person he had ever known, his best friend, be dead? And after only being back for so little time. Just when Remus felt whole again, he lost his other half.

_At the end of the world_

_Or the last thing I see_

_You are Never coming home_

_Never coming home_

“God!” Remus thought. “This is all my fault. I should have saved him. I should have begged him not to go. I should have been there next to him. I should have gone through instead.” He sank slowly to the floor curling into a tight ball with tears streaming down his face silently. “It should have been me,” he whispered softly, brokenly.

_And all the things that you never ever told me_

_And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me_

What was the point of a life without Sirius there? Where was the meaning? Was Remus just supposed to move on? Why couldn’t everybody understand that it wasn’t that simple? It’s one thing to lose your best friend. It’s another to lose your sun, the dazzling supernova that made your life worth living. Sirius’s brilliant smile flashes din the back of his mind, still radiant even after Askaban. He could still remember the boy with the long, dark hair standing on tables, and screaming at the top of his lungs, and laughing. And after already losing so much, how could life be so cruel as to take this too?

_Ever…_

_Get the feeling that you’re never_

_All alone and I remember now_

And his friends. God! His friends, his family. They had been so caring and so sweet, and they tried to understand, but none of them quite felt the same sense of loss. Although it was sweet, didn’t Molly Weasley understand that no amount of fruitcake would right this terrible wrong?

And they shouldn’t even be comforting him. He was a werewolf for fuck’s sake. It was one thing when he had somebody next to him, watching out for him during a change, but now, especially in this state, Remus worried he might hurt somebody. He didn’t even deserve to be alive. Why take the good, kind, brave one when an animal, a rabid monster was in the room?

_For all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me_

_For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me_

And Harry, sweet Harry. He came the closest to understanding Remus’s pain. He came by Remus’s flat hoping to seek comfort and remember Sirius, but Remus was in no condition to do any such thing. “He has already lost one father figure as of late. He does not need to see another ripped to shambles,” Remus reasoned. He had since been shut away, ignoring messages from his friends, sobbing, drinking, and generally falling apart

_If I died we’d be together._

More than once he found himself on the roof, contemplating the legend of Psyche. If he jumped would the West wind, Zephyrus whisk him off to a place better than this one? Or would he end up like Psyche’s sisters, a stain on the ground and humanity, not that he ws truly human or human at all really. He spent many hours up there cursing himself for not just ending it. Sirius deserved better, and Remus wasn’t it.

But goddamnit if he didn’t try! Remus could at least attempt to be the man Sirius would have wanted. He could take care of Harry. He could be better. He could move on. He could find love if he just allowed himself to. He couldn’t let his illness and his grief overcome him. He could do better… for Sirius. Couldn’t he?

 __Could I? Should I?


End file.
